Stress Starving Yes, that's a thing

It is officially the holiday season. Work, school, and family parties are in full swing. 'Tis the season for honey hams, turkey, stuffing, pies, cookies, candies, casseroles, and random veggie plates.

It's also the highest of the High Holidays for stress. Many people deal with stress by eating. What a perfect storm! Companionship around kitchen tables, cooking and eating together, with the people that know exactly how to push their buttons, intentionally or otherwise.

There's the stress of travel where eating fast food for a week straight makes sense because one is on the road and it's the holidays, after all.

There's a reason weight loss is one of the most common resolutions people make.

It's such a common problem that the television ads in the States trend heavily towards weight loss with little to no effort. And beer and unhealthy food. It's nice one industry can keep another afloat.

No one talks about the people dreading the holidays because tthe five pounds they finally gained are going to melt off.

That's right. I'm talking about stress starvation.

I attempted to research Stress Starvation Syndrome and no matter how I phrased the question, I could only find official answers about stress and weight gain, separately or together. I also saw a lot of people who had the same questions and found a lack of answers.

Stress starving is something that I've done for most of my life. I never had a name for it until a recent doctor's appointment. The doctor seeing me suffers from it.

It's rare, which explains why I couldn't find much about it, but not that rare. I believe a lot of people with my build and psychology have this but live without a name for it, believing it's part of their genes and metabolism, as I did, and not a part of anxiety.

I've left hints about my food issues in blog posts and social media updates but I've never sat down and tried to explain exactly what this feels like. Hopefully it reaches someone who needs to know they're not alone.

I've always been small of stature. I was 5' 1" and weighed 90 pounds when I graduated high school. I ate. A lot.

I worked at a local pizza place for several years and I used to snack and eat my way through every shift. I smoked a lot of marijuana back then, so I was always hungry. Surprise! I was self-medicating.

After I graduated, I sprouted three inches and gained five pounds. I gave up marijuana and lost the five pounds. It took me a long time to recognize that pattern, mostly because I live in the same sort of denial many people do.

I was born this way so it must be natural. Oi!

I'm not a breakfast person. The very thought of food first thing in the morning makes me want to vomit.

I generally wait until my stomach gives a grumble. That happens, on average, four hours after I rise for the day. If I don't happen to be near food because I'm on the road or something, I'll lose the appetite.

I commonly refer to this forty minute period as my Hunger Window. If I don't eat immediately, it will slam shut and I'll have to wait four more hours for it to open again.

If I DO get to food in this time period, I have to be careful about what I choose and how it's prepared. French fries from a fast food place are hit and miss. I love them, but there are days they hit my tongue like ash. I will be chewing away and it's like a switch is thrown and if I don't spit them out, if I try to swallow them anyway, I'll vomit.

There is nothing wrong with the fries. My guy will eat them and say they're fine but for me, for that one minute, they trigger a gag reflex. This is one example.

We've gone out to really nice places for dinner. I'll feel like I'm starving and be really, REALLY excited about steak, or prime rib, or pasta, but the moment the plate hits the table, it all shuts down and I'll have to ask for a box before my second bite.

Bear in mind, this is stress related. Since approximately January 2014, things have been high stress for us. Admittedly some periods of not but mostly things have spiraled on us with health issues.

I keep a lot of snack foods around. If I can nibble on small things, it will occasionally stir a greater appetite. Sometimes I live on the snack foods and consider having eaten anything a victory.

Small sandwiches are my best friend. Especially peanut butter, as there is a lot of protein in it. Protein is my friend. Nuts are good, and burgers, pasta and steaks are ideal.

So, I have these issues already. For years now. All by my lonesome, I have issues with food.

Do you know that feeling when someone is standing behind you at work and it causes you to make errors? My Companion has the issue with typing. He's a computer guy so you know he has fast, accurate fingers. Until someone is behind him and watching. Then he's a master hunt and peck typer.

Same issue with dining in public. Hell, sometimes being in public without dining.

"It must be nice to eat whatever you want!"

"If I was as skinny as you, I'd eat cake all day!"

"Too bad I can't give you some of this chubby! Where's that surgery? Hahaha!" as they pinch their own side.

"You must be a cheap date, ordering off of the kids menu! Hahaha!"

"Wow! I can wrap both hands around your waist!" And then I'm technically assaulted.

Every one of those sentences is a reminder to me that I am unable to gain weight. I now know this person is watching/looking at me.

Whether they are envious or not, whether they think they're being nice or not, they are pointing out something that makes me an outlier in this country, something I am self conscious about because so many people have expressed that my thinness is a flaw.

I understand they may think they are complimenting me. They may consider these words similar to liking someone's hair or outfit.

It's not.

Every day I hear these comments, or similar ones. Every. Single. Day.

Strangers - what makes them think this is okay? I said I liked their shoes, therefore my size is open season?

Friends - generally know better. However, if they absolutely must talk about it, I don't mention how difficult it is to find jewelry and clothing that fits and is age appropriate.

No, I mention the health problems associated with being this size. I don't know why they assume there aren't any. Any extreme has its problems.

I can eat whatever I want, but my cholesterol can and will go horribly high.

My joints ache all the time. All. The. Time.

When I bash an elbow into a door, the bruise stays for a fortnight. I also constantly have bruises I cannot explain. Small ones, but bruises all the same.

I'm almost always cold. I live in Florida now so I can feel my toes year round, but knowing the location of the nearest sweatshirt is a priority at all times.

I can't carry anything. There is limited muscle supporting certain tendons and joints and I've managed to strain or tear all the important ones by doing simple, everyday tasks other people take for granted.

It takes me longer to heal from surgeries or injuries. I'm still having discomfort from a surgery in July that I should have forgotten I had by now.

Because I was inactive after the surgery, all of my nerve pains from the car accident in January of 2014, are back in effect. So at the age of 39, I tend to walk and feel like I have the body of a 70 year old.

Stress starving is no joke.

I'm preparing to begin working heavily with a nutritionist/doctor. I've received so much conflicting advice from doctors that I have to pick one and shut out the other noise.

My New Year's resolution is to gain 10 pounds in two months. I've been told this is reasonable. I'd like to know how I feel at 5' 5" and 110 pounds.

I'll give it two months and report back on results.

Does Stress Starvation sound familiar? I'm here to tell you, you're not alone.

Created with images by Ronald (Ron) Douglas Frazier - "A holiday feast with my dearest friends, Masako and Satch Takayasu"

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