She knew it was coming. It happens every time she begins to feel small and frail like the lone petal of a flower falling slowly and effortlessly to the ground. But as she looks at her smeared handprints on the glass of the bell jar that descended upon her, she knows that escape is impossible and that she must wither away only to be forgotten. She feels the vacuum of complete emptiness surround her, and as she crumbles to the ground choking for the last breath of air, she accepts her imminent death. But moments pass, and she stays alive. She feels a slight cool breeze of fresh air drift over her skin and she inhales. She has been saved. The bell jar is being removed and she is free. But as she lifts herself off the ground and walks away, she knows that it will always loom over her, ready at any moment to fall, capturing her within its glass walls. This mindset characterized much of Esther Greenwood’s life in Sylvia Plath’s novel, The Bell Jar. Her countless shifts in moods and attitudes – when compiled and explored – can be categorized into a pair of polar affections: a dark, murky depression and an elevated hypomania. These two pathologies, when found cycling in the mind of a single person, are recognized as the psychological disorder labeled Bipolar II. Throughout the novel, Esther was caught in a tormenting circle game, constantly shifting from the “lows” of depression to the “highs” of mania and experiencing the psychosomatic consequences of her Bipolar II disorder. The “bell jar” that she constantly felt descending upon her was not from that of an outside force; rather it was from an inwardly flawed influence: her mind.

The National Institute of Mental Health, a component of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, defines Bipolar II disorder as “a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but no full-blown manic or mixed episodes.” It is an illness that affects both mind and body, often times causing untoward thoughts and ideas to be acted upon. To a person who suffers from such an unfortunate condition, the two distinct phases seem as if they are different “lives” that appear and disappear suddenly (“Bipolar Disorder”). One phase, depression, is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as “more than just sadness.” The APA describes how those suffering from depression often times have a lack of interest and energy in daily life. In addition to this, depression hinders the ability to concentrate and heightens the feeling of worthlessness, causing frequent thoughts of death and suicide. The second phase of Bipolar II disorder is hypomania, which is a less severe form of mania. According to the Black Dog Institute, there are five principle features to hypomania: high energy levels, a positive mood, irritability, inappropriate behaviors, and creativity. Often during hypomanic episodes, people take on new projects and have unrealistic beliefs about their abilities. Additionally, this “elevated state” causes people to behave impulsively with high risk consequences.

Laura Bain, who was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder when she was just sixteen years old, has her own description of the illness. In her TEDx Terry Talks presentation at the University of British Columbia, she describes that being bipolar is like wearing two different shoes. She says, “So what’s it like to be manic? It’s kind of like wearing a pair of really gorgeous heels. And you just walk around and you feel taller. There’s a confidence. There’s a direction to it. Things are just clear.” She explains how thoughts and ideas come naturally and it feels as if anything is possible. The world has no limits and the future looks incredibly bright. However, it’s not as good as it sounds, because the increased creativity and higher energy doesn’t stop. The mind is constantly racing, never wanting to rest. This causes severe insomnia and irritability, which illustrates that even the “better” side of the bipolar spectrum is dreadful. She then describes depression: “[It’s] more like slippers. Not the comfy-cozy slippers, but more of the need to feel safe and secure. It’s kind of awkward, walking around in slippers…and being depressed in front of family, friends, and roommates. You see things out of focus and it’s difficult to see farther ahead.” But what’s it like having to live with the constant cycle from depression to hypomania? How does it affect your mind? How does it affect your body? Well, Laura Bain answers these questions. She explains that being bipolar is like wearing that gorgeous heel on one foot, and the slipper on the other. Not only does it look and feel awkward, but it also causes a distinguishable imbalance. Interestingly, this “imbalance” could be seen in The Bell Jar through Esther and her efforts to maneuver through a confusing disorder she knew nothing of.

From the opening lines of the novel, Esther’s apparent struggle with depression is rather clear. Right away, she mentions the electrocution of the Rosenbergs and uses this event to describe a particular time in her life. She says, “It had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like, being burned alive all along your nerves” (Plath 1). She was obsessed with death and the feeling of what it would be like. But this wasn’t the only time in the novel where this feeling – this desire – broke through and cloaked her mind in a sort of doleful craving. She looked through the newspapers almost religiously for stories that had anything to do with human fatality. It was the articles that read “SUICIDE SAVED FROM 7-STORY LEDGE” and “STARLET SUCCUMBS AFTER 68-HOUR COMA” that fed her dismal fantasy. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-5) states that recurrent thoughts of death are a common link to depression. The somber void of death is similar to the emptiness felt by depression. Esther, who knows that bleakness all too well, seems only to be able to relate to those that have died because only then can one feel absolutely nothing.

The DSM-5 also states that depression is marked by severe feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Often times, those suffering from depression will try to explain that the world is against them and there is nothing that they can do (“Depression”). Other times, they say that everything goes on around them, but they feel unattached from it (“Depressions”). For Esther, the latter idea holds true. She says, “I knew perfectly well the cars were making noise, and the people in them and behind the lit windows of the buildings were making noise, and the river was making noise, but I couldn’t hear a thing. The city hung in my window, flat as a poster, glittering and blinking, but it might as well not have been there at all” (Plath 15). Esther was trapped in a tragic silence in a city that never sleeps. She felt incurable, as if she was “dropping clean out of the race,” giving up any effort to be a part of the bustling world around her. She was hopeless and lost her sense of self – the part of her that would make her hear the flow of her life. And to Esther, if she was stuck, mute in world that requires personal expression, what was there to live for?

Throughout the novel, Esther asked herself that question many times. And every time it crossed her mind, she answered, “Nothing.” This is the most important and unfortunate symptom of depression – the longing to commit suicide. It’s a time when hopelessness and worthlessness engulf life. No longer does anything seem worthwhile; rather, it seems like a simple, lonely burden. After Esther left New York City for home, she began acting on her thoughts of suicide. She started with razors, trying to make cuts on both wrists and letting herself bleed out in a warm bath. When that failed, she tried to drown herself at the beach, but couldn’t keep herself submerged long enough. Soon after, she took a silk cord from her mother’s bathrobe and tried to hang herself, failing once more. In her final attempt to end her life, she went into the cellar, climbed into the breezeway behind the furnace, and one by one, emptied her bottle of sleeping pills. Although she survived each effort to kill herself, her many attempts proved that emptiness from mind’s depression existed within Esther. For her, there was a thrill in the idea of taking her last breath, one that far exceeded her excitement for life itself.

But Esther’s life in The Bell Jar was not just marked by bleak abjection. There were times in the novel when her mood seemed to shift to that of indefatigable optimism. She no longer thought of death and she seemed as if her eyes were opened to the world once again. Her creativity seemed to peak, and she moved quickly from one task to the next, which according to the National Institute of Mental Health, is a key symptom of hypomania. An interesting transition from depression to her inspired hypomanic state could be seen on the last days of her internship in New York City. When they were taking pictures of all the interns for the magazine, her depression transpired. After she said that she wanted to be a poet, she began to cry: “I buried my face in the pink velvet facade of Jay Cee’s loveseat and with immense relief the salt tears and miserable noises…burst out into the room.” Although she said that she wanted to be a poet, she was overcome with the haunted feeling of worthlessness that constantly bit at her heels. This shadow that loomed over her made her doubt her abilities. However, she quickly transitioned from that feeling of inadequacy, just as those with Bipolar II disorder often do. During the following days, she had forgotten about her doubts and decided that she “would spend the summer writing a novel” (Plath 98). Almost immediately after that, she decided to “spend the summer reading Finnegan’s Wake” and writing her thesis (Plath 100). She quickly thought that maybe she would put off college for a year and apprentice herself to be a pottery maker. But then she scrapped that idea, and felt a yearning to work her way to Germany to become bilingual. Clearly, her mind was racing. In a very short period of time, she developed four projects that all seemed possible for her. In the matter of days, she became optimistic and, just as Laura Bain described of hypomania, saw the future as incredibly bright.

However, that optimism is often times tainted with irritation and impatience. The DSM-5 lists irritation and annoyance as a common symptom of hypomania, and throughout the novel, this could be seen seeping slowly out of Esther. It started as an almost inward bitterness. At one point she commented to herself, “If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed” (Plath). It’s one of those remarks said with a sneer and an aggravated countenance soon after somebody slips up. But then the comments got more extreme, and the annoyance was not only expressed inwardly, but also outwardly. When Esther was in the mental institution, her irritation was too much to hold in. She could no longer force a fake smile when her “neighbor,” Joan, came into her room to talk. On one of the last days of her stay in Belsize, Joan told Esther the she liked her. Annoyed, Esther retorted back, “That’s tough Joan, because I don’t like you. You make me puke if you want to know” (Plath 180). It was just a simple comment of affection from Joan, but Esther was pushed across her small and fading line of control due to her hypomanic state.

At various moments throughout The Bell Jar, Esther showed an intensified interest in sex. She judged people not by how much money they had or who they were working for. Rather, she evaluated people on whether they had lost their virginity or not. She says, “Instead of the world being divided up into Catholics and Protestants or Republicans and Democrats or white men and black men or even men and women, I saw the world divided into people who had slept with somebody and people who hadn’t” (Plath 66). With this said, Esther was regularly looking for a man she could seduce. Excessive desires, thoughts, or engagements in pleasurable, high risk activity, such as sex, are listed by the American Psychological Association as a major symptom of hypomania, and thus, Bipolar II disorder. It started with Constantin, sitting on his balcony hand in hand. She comments, “The more I thought about it the better I liked the idea of being seduced by a simultaneous interpreter in New York City” (Plath 65). To Esther, she thought that she would undergo a “spectacular change” when she “crossed the boundary line” (Plath 66). She stood on one side of the wall, carrying her pureness with her. However, she wanted to climb over onto the other side, even if that meant leaving her purity behind. And that is just what she did with Irwin, a Harvard professor she met when waiting for a bus back “home.” After a cup of coffee, he took her back to his apartment and she said, “It was only after seeing Irwin’s study that I decided to seduce him” (Plath 185). She did in fact lose her virginity that night, submitting to the unrelenting desires of her hypomanic mind.

Esther’s life in Sylvia Plath’s psychologically challenging novel, The Bell Jar, was characterized by the constant shift from depression to hypomania. In one moment, she would be trapped in her mind’s “bell jar,” feeling as if she was spoiling away into nothing. However, as quickly as it descended upon her, it lifted, and she could breathe again. These constant shifts between her “low” and “high” emotional states are characteristic of those who suffer from Bipolar II disorder. Just as Laura Bain described, Esther was wearing two different shoes that caused a perceivable imbalance not only in her mind, but also in her life. She could never find that harmony she desperately needed to keep moving forward, opening her ears up to the world and listening to what it meant to live.

Works Cited:

American Psychological Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th

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*The title of the essay, “Wearing Two Different Shoes,” was based on an idea used in Laura Bain’s Tedx Terry Talks presentation at the University of British Columbia in 2011.*