Intersex The story of megan storm
Have you ever been faced with a question that only has two answers and neither is correct? I am met with this dilemma every time I file out a form. When it asks to check off whether I am “male” or “female”, they never have the option of “other”. This is my story about how I found out I was an “other”.
I was born on February 1, 1981 in Calgary, Alberta. My mom told me it was a really cold night when she went into labor with me. After ten hours of painful contractions, I came into the world, screaming and kicking at seven pounds and seven ounces. I have one older sister and one younger brother. I would describe my earlier childhood as “normal”, whatever that means.
I loved sports growing up, though I can’t say I had any natural talent. I was apparently pretty clumsy and would come home with new bumps and bruises all the time. I once hit my head pretty hard after crashing my BMX bike. We didn’t need to wear a helmet back in those days. That was my first trip to the hospital but definitely not my last.
Summer camps used to be one of my favourite activities growing up. That is until I started to realize I might be different from all the other girls. You see, summer camp was where I got all my “girl talk". We talked about everything from boys to music and movies stars. But as we got closer to being teens, we started talking about puberty and body changes. We would talk about boobs and bras and periods. It seems silly looking back on it now, but getting a period during camp was like the badge of honour. That was the proof that we were so “grown up”.
But I never got my badge. By the time I was 14, all the girls had gotten their periods, everyone except me. I would lie to my friends, tell them how it’s so gross and uncomfortable, just so I fit in. Why was I different? What’s wrong with me? Was it something I did? These questions would circle my mind at night and keep me from sleep. The camp I once loved, I couldn’t wait to get away from because it was a constant reminder that I might be different.
I stopped going to camp after that year. I told my mom I was too old for camp and I wasn’t interested anymore. More lies. She knew something was wrong but anytime she would ask, I would just push her away. Sometimes I would even blame her. Maybe she did something and that’s why I’m different. My grades started slipping in school, I didn’t want to talk to my friends, and I hid away in my cocoon of misery. Then one day I just broke down. I was unhappy, confused and felt alone.
I finally told mom the truth. The fact that I might be 'different'.
We saw a specialist that summer. Apparently my “condition” was more than my family doctor could handle. A specialist, blood test, ultrasound and an MRI later I had an answer.
He started by saying that I was missing some parts. A uterus and fallopian tubes. He said I had “gonands” that were testicles, not ovaries. That my genes were XY, not XX like other girls. I don’t remember much of the conversation after that.
I could feel my mom shaking, holding back her tears as they nearly spilled over her lower lashes. Or was it me that was shaking?
I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I felt damaged, worthless, ashamed, scared, hopeless and alone. I can’t even name some of the emotions I felt during that appointment and for several years after.
It took me years before I could share my story with anyone. The one thing that helped me get to where I am today was my support group.
To meet these wonderful, confident women with the same diagnosis as me, who are beautiful inside and out made me realize that androgen insensitivity syndrome is just one part of me. My diagnosis does not define who I am.
This story was created for ETEC 565. This story is entirely fictional but was inspired by brave people with AIS who shared their story on the following resources:
- Davis, G. (2015). Normalizing intersex: the transformative power of stories. Narrative inquiries in bioethics, 5(2), 87-89.
- AIS-DSD Support Group. (2014, September 25). Growing up intersex [video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/cJxZe4KAdqU
This project was created using images from the following sources (in order of appearance)